What Would Ranma Do?
by OleScratch
Summary: What if someone else had Ranma's life to live? Would they avoid all the pitfalls of his life or would they fall into ones entirely of their own making?
1. Interesting Times

What Would Ranma Do?

Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ nor do I make any money off writing this. I am not responsible for any insanity that may result in the reading of this tale. Warning: This is a Self-Insert! Read at your own risk. Reviews are welcome, flames are not.

Interesting Times

I was falling in my sleep. Was it true that you died when you hit the bottom? I had no intention of finding out. I forced my eyes open in time to feel by body enclosed by water. Beyond the murky surface I could make out a blue sky and white clouds. And a tall pole. There was a brief feeling of panic before I was able to settle down. Then I pushed my way to the surface.

There was a brief feeling of disorientation as I took in my surroundings. I wasn't in Kansas anymore. I wasn't even in my own body anymore. The eyes that stared back at me in my reflection revealed my own disbelief in my situation. I was at Jusenkyo in Ranma's body.

The guide was busy telling me about the cursed nature of the spring and how I was now a girl.

My eyes darted to him, and then I scanned the poles. Sure enough Genma was in panda form staring down at me.

Suddenly I was looking out of a tunnel as my vision began to fade. The shock was too much for my system and darkness claimed my mind.

I'm falling in my sleep. I wake up screaming. I'm still in Ranma's body, but I'm a male now. Genma is also back in his normal form and is coming to see what is wrong with me. The guide is coming with him. If I'm not mistaken, we're in the guides hut.

"You okay boy?" He's speaking Japanese and I understand him perfectly. It makes about as much sense as anything else that has happened so far.

I hold my head and groan. All the while I'm thinking. I know a lot about Ranma ½, but I don't know it all. Certainly there are whole chunks of his early life I don't know. There's one good way to cover that up. I look at Genma and say, "Who are you? What am I doing here?" I look down at myself. "And who am I?"

Genma stumbles back a moment in horror. "You must have hit your hit boy! That is the only reason you could possibly forget me!" Tears fill his eyes. "To think that my training regime should do this to my one and only son! Flesh of my flesh!" He turns to me with a new gleam in his eyes. "Good thing for you boy, I know the remedy."

Faster then I can react he knocks me solidly upside the head and blackness claims me

My head is really hurting when I wake up again. Genma is standing over me with a club. "Quick boy, do you remember who I am?"

I blink at him and then at the club. "My pop?"

He nods, but doesn't lower the club. "And who are you?"

I gulp. "I'm Ranma Saotome."

Nodding, he lowers the club. "So far, so good. We better see what other damage is done. Follow me."

Slipping off the bed I follow him outside. The guide is leaning back in a chair beside the door and smoking a pipe. We exchange nods as I walk by.

Genma stops, faces me and assumes a combat stance.

Sweat begins to bead on my forehead. I have no idea how to fight at the level that Ranma and his father can. I don't even know any stances, much less katas. I try to imitate what I saw Genma do and find that my body automatically falls into position. That is reason enough for a slight smile.

It doesn't last as Genma charges me. Not knowing what to do, I simply let my body react. It moves quicker then I can think and matches Genma's every move.

When the bout is done, he gives me a satisfied grin. "You seem to remember everything I've taught you about the art boy. Everything else will just fall into place."

"Sure pop, whatever you say." At some point I'm going to have to figure out exactly what my body knows. I can't rely solely on instinct, I have to be able to think and to plan. That will have to wait until later. For now instinct will be enough. I hope.

Genma is headed back to the hut. "You remember your curse boy?"

I follow along behind him. "You mean that was real? I really did become a girl?" It seems like the safest answer for now.

"I'm afraid so boy." He stops suddenly and sizes me up. "I thought you'd be more upset about it. Blame me for your own clumsiness or something."

Brushing by him, I answer. "I'm dealing. There will be time for getting you back later. Like when you're asleep."

That causes him to pause. No doubt he expected something more brash and bold. Not something so… underhanded. So dirty. Perhaps he's proud that his son is finally learning what he's been teaching. Perhaps he's scared that despite his best efforts and training his son has taken after him after all. It matters not a wit to me. I need to keep him off balance until I figure out what to do.

It only takes him a couple of minutes before he follows me back into the cabin. The guide is helping me heat water so I can wash off. He's also explaining how the curse works. None of it is new to me.

Still, there's something I need to ask first. "Isn't there a spring of drowned man or something we can jump into?"

"You very bright one sirs. Spring of drowned man right over there."

I race to it. To find it dried up. I scream.

The guide pats me on the back. "No need worry. Is out of season. Be back in a few weeks. You use then."

"We'll be leaving for Japan right away boy. We have important business there. This other spring can wait until after then." He waits for a reaction that doesn't come. Shrugging, he turns to the guide. "Can you help guide us out of this area?"

The guide nods. "Be very happy to help sirs out of region."

I can't blame him.

Our departure however is delayed.

"Ranma Saotome! Finally I have caught up with you! I'll make you regret running out on a man to man fight!" Outside the cabin a boy is standing among the pools. He has the same build as myself and is wearing traveling clothes, complete with a yellow bandana and backpack.

"Ryouga? After being three days late for a duel you follow me all the way to China to challenge me to a fight?" I don't have to fake my incredulity. The boy really does have an overdeveloped sense of vengeance.

He drops his pack with a sneer on his face. "You stole my sandwiches for a year Ranma! Then you run away from our fight. Do you expect me to forgive you for that?"

An idea occurs to me. Despite the level of success with my earlier idea regarding Genma, I decide to try it anyway. "Ryouga, I can assure you that the gods themselves have punished me on your behalf."

"I doubt that Ranma. I can't think of anything that would even begin to compare to what I've had to go through. I've chased you all through China. Do you know how large this damn country is? I've found you now and I'm not going to let you talk me out dishing out what's coming to you!" He certainly seems adamant.

"Wait here." I tell him. Then I turn into the hut and return with a basin of cold water. Once I am in his view, I upend it over myself.

His jaw drops and he stares wide eyed for a moment. "Wh… what is this?"

His brain is shutting down. Good. It will make him easier to deal with if I feed him one concept at a time. At least now he doesn't seem ready to attack me. "It was right here not one day ago that I was cursed during training. I fell into the spring of drowned girl. Now whenever I'm doused with cold water, I take the body of a young girl. Hot water reverses the process. Do you understand?"

Ryouga's eyes are glazed over. Perhaps I went too fast for him. "Are… are you really a girl?" Yes, I did go too fast for him.

The quickest route to any destination is a straight line. The same goes for finding the truth. I open my gi so he can see the truth for himself.

Sometimes however a straight line, while being the fastest route, isn't always the best or safest one. Ryouga's nose becomes a geyser of blood and he reels back several steps. Unfortunately he forgot about the pack he'd dropped off and subsequently trips over it. This in turn throws him flying into a spring.

"Very sad sir fall into spring of drowned pig. Very tragic story about pig that drown there twelve hundred year ago." The guide is ever so helpful.

For my part, I just simply watch it all like an observer to a train wreck. I shake my head. This is not going to be good.

I've always hated the rain. Now it changes me without warning. It would be easier to remain a girl then bother with the constant changing back and forth. I'm not sure if I could convince the panda-man of that though.

What a miserable scene we must make. A dour young girl carrying a pig that tries to attack her from time to time while walking beside a Panda that stands upright. All being led by a Chinese tour guide. We are all soaked, hungry and all around miserable.

Finally the rain lets up. It doesn't make me feel any better even as the sun begins to dry us off. Then up ahead of us I spot a familiar scene. It seems that the Amazons are having their annual tournament.

A plan forms in my mind. There is no way I'm getting engaged to that Shampoo girl. Still, I may just be able to ditch Panda man. And maybe bacon bits while I'm at it. I glance down at the little porker. No, I actually feel sorry for the little guy. After all, I wasn't able to stop him from getting cursed. So I'll get out of this, but I'll bring him with me.

The guide sits down on a log and lights up his pipe. I miss my own pipe. Best not to start that habit here though. I need my body to be in top condition. Still, I enjoy the aroma as I sit down beside him. The smell of the food infiltrates my nostrils and my stomach painfully reminds me that it's been days since I've had anything other then water to fill it. The temptation is strong, but I resist.

Beside me Panda man is pigging out. By Ryouga's squirming I can tell he'd like to do the same. I hold him fast. It won't do if my 'pet' pig gorges on the prize. A sinister smile lifts my lips as I watch Genma. I'll be rid of him and he'll have to pay for his larceny in one fell swoop.

As expected, Shampoo wins. She comes over to claim her hard won prize to find a Panda mowing down on it. She turns to me and says something in Chinese. The guide interprets for me. "She say, What your Panda do?"

I glance at the Panda in question. I turn back to the Amazon and say, "That's not my Panda. I don't own him, and I'm not responsible in anyway for his actions." The guide conveys my words to her.

Shampoo speaks again and again the guide interprets for me. "Then you no mind Shampoo claim for very own?'

I shrug. "Do what you want with him." The guide dutifully translates.

Meanwhile Genma has been getting increasingly frantic as hungry Amazons begin to surround him. He's a big boy. I'm sure he'll find a way out of this.

He does.

The cagey bastard drops down to all fours and starts brushing his head against my thigh affectionately. Like a tame and loving pet.

There is muttering from the crowd and Shampoo's face is turning red. Her words come to me via the guide. "You try trick Shampoo. Now we fight."

Before I can say, I don't want to fight you, one of her bonbori is racing for my head.

My body reacts.

Shampoo sails through the air in a graceful arc.

I'm left to blink as she stands up. I can't believe what I just did. I'm still stunned as she comes up to me and kisses my cheek.

The guide is dragging the three of us away as fast as he can. There is only one thing on my mind. 'Damn, I didn't even get to eat anything.'

Shampoo has been tracking us relentlessly. The guide abandoned us to our fate several days ago when she nearly took his head with her bonbori. That damn Amazon doesn't care who gets in the way as long as she gets at me. What kind of stupid Amazon law is that anyway? Some beats you in combat, so you have to kill them? Isn't that akin to suicide? I've already proven that I'm the better fighter, to challenge me to a death match is insane.

Currently she is chasing us down the road while firing arrows at Pop and I. Our packs already have a small arsenal embedded in them. I'm getting sick of running from this maniac. The problem is that I don't yet have enough conscious control of my body to risk a fight with her. Either I hurt her really badly or make a wrong move and end up dead. It wouldn't matter anyway. As a girl, the only way I can stop her is to kill her. Stupid Amazons.

But there are other ways. "Pop! You remember that house we passed a couple of miles back?"

He nods in the affirmative.

"Good, circle back and get some hot water from them. I'll catch up to you there." I toss him Ryouga who is still stuck as a pig. "And take Ryouga here with you."

Catching the pig, he veers off the road.

To ensure that Shampoo doesn't get distracted, I turn my head and stick my tongue out at her.

I shriek as I just barely duck under an arrow. All I have to do now is lose the lunatic. I really wish I had thought this far ahead.

There is a chance. There is no choice.

I turn to face her in battle. Dodging arrows, I close the distance between us. As soon as we're in grappling range I let my body do its stuff. One blow knocks her out. Grabbing some rope out of my backpack I have her hogtied in no time. Throwing her over my shoulder, I head back to the house we passed.

She comes to and starts to struggle. I'm being cursed in Chinese. Shampoo can no better understand my explanations then I can her expletives. It won't matter soon. A kettle of water is worth a thousand words.

Ryouga and Genma are waiting for me on the road. Both are in their natural forms and have a kettle going for me.

"What are you doing?" Ryouga demands. "What do you plan to do to that poor girl?"

"Poor girl?" I snort. "She's been trying to kill us for nearly a week now. Remember that time you wandered off and almost ended up as a sweet and sour dish for her?"

A blush crosses Ryouga's face as he blushes. "This is all your fault Ranma!"

"No, it isn't." I reply with dead calm. "I'm not responsible for her actions. It was pop that ate her prize."

"It's because of you I'm cursed!" He says with his usual level of reason.

"No one made you follow me here. I didn't push you into the spring, you tripped over your own bag and fell in." I shake my head. "Look Ryouga, we've been over this. Without pop and I to guide you, you'll never make it out of China. You'd probably end up in France, and trust me, you don't want to ask the French for directions."

I drop Shampoo unceremoniously on the side of the road. Then, standing where she can see me, I dump some hot water on my head.

She gasps when she sees the male me.

Then I dump cold water over my head.

The Amazon frowns at me and yells something I've come to relate to murder.

Again I dump warm water over my head.

Shampoo doesn't seem to know what to make of it, so I repeat the process with the other two. I don't warn them of course, so naturally they object. She still doesn't seem to quite understand. Probably never heard of Jusenkyo before now. And I can't explain it to her.

"Great going boy, now she'll recognize us in any form." Genma knocks me in the back of the head.

"Damn it old man, stop doing that!" I'm quite cross. "I'm just hoping she'll realize that I'm really a boy."

Ryouga has his arms crossed. "What good will that do?"

It's true that they don't know about the other Amazon law. "To hell with it." I curse. "Lets just go."

"And leave her like this?" Ryouga protests.

"She'll be fine." I start to walk away. "Come on before you get lost."

He's hesitant but follows us.

Shampoo's curses follow us for some time.

My plan seems to have worked. We haven't seen Shampoo in some time. That has given the three of us the time to train together. That works best when we've had a chance to turn back to normal for a while. Most times however we are in our cursed forms. It is after all the rainy season.

In our three way battle marathons I am learning what my body can do. By practicing Katas, I am learning to control what my body can do.

We are only a days travel from the coast.

I come up with an idea. "Hey pop, do you think we'll be able to bind in my chest so I can pass as a guy all the time?"

We try it.

I can't breathe. After passing out from pain or lack of oxygen or both, I refuse to ever try it again. Genma is sorely disappointed.

Soon enough we are sneaking on board a boat headed back for Japan.


	2. First Impressions

First Impressions

We've finally made it to Nerima. Naturally it's raining. I carry Ryouga as always and we follow Genma. I don't fight it. There isn't any point. He's still stronger then me. Besides, it's not all bad. I should be able to have some fun now. As long as I avoid some of the trouble that plagued Ranma originally. I have had time to give that a lot of thought. This first meeting will go a long way towards making my life a lot easier.

Not surprisingly, Genma walks into the Tendo home like he owns the place. I suppose that's been his plan all along.

Soun and Nabiki come around the corner to greet us. They spot a Panda walking upright and do the only sensible thing. They turn right around and run.

Sighing I continue to follow panda man. In my arms, Ryouga is shaking his head.

Soun is standing in front of his three daughters. Genma is trying to talk to him, which of course does no good.

Kasumi seems quite cross. "Father, is this your friend?"

The Tendo Patriarch is shaking his head furiously.

Nabiki is outraged. "Oh so this Panda just decides to visit? Happens all the time!"

I step forward. "I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this." I actually am.

I can't help but grin when Nabiki comments. "Oooh, he is cute."

Then Soun pulls me into an embrace and I'm not smiling at all anymore. After squeezing me uncomfortably for a moment, he releases. I've begun to blush. He seems just as embarrassed as he doesn't say a word and stares straight ahead like a deer caught in the headlights.

Nabiki narrows her eyes at me and leans in closer to inspect my chest. With no shame at all she pokes me a couple of times and then gropes my breast. I can't say the sensation is entirely unpleasant. She certainly isn't being rough. "He's not a boy at all Daddy. He's a girl!"

While Soun's brain tries to register that fact, I can't stop a little quip. "You know, people usually buy me dinner before they grope me."

That gets Nabiki looking back at me. She quickly pulls her hand away but she doesn't seem embarrassed. She seems to be trying to decide what to make of me.

Any further conversation is forestalled when Soun passes out. Under Kasumi's direction we try to make him comfortable.

He comes to when he hears the voices of his daughters.

Kasumi laments. "Poor father, he must be so disappointed."

"He's disappointed?" Nabiki is outraged. "He's not the only one. Look at her! Some fiancé!"

Akane rushes to my defense. "Nabiki! He, I mean she is a guest in our home!"

That's when Kasumi notices that her father has come to. Nabiki immediately lets him know how displeased she is. "This is all your fault daddy! Didn't you know Ranma was a girl?"

Soun is calm. "I assumed that Genma's son would be a boy."

Nabiki reaches over and gropes my breast for the second time in fifteen minutes. "Look at this, does she look like a boy to you Daddy?"

"You know, for someone protesting me as a potential mate, you've taken two chances to grope me, and I still haven't had dinner or seen a movie with you yet. Heck, not so much as a walk in the park." Despite my words I smile. I enjoy teasing people.

Again Akane comes to my rescue. "Would you stop that Nabiki? A guest is a guest." She smiles at me. "Hi, my names Akane, wanna be friends?"

I nod. "Sure."

"Hey, you study Kenpo, don't you?" She asks with a smile.

I smirk. "A little."

"Well lets say we have a little match then?" I suppose she's keen to set the status quo.

So am I. "Sure, but there's something I need to tell you guys first." I turn to Kasumi. "Could I trouble you for some hot water?"

She gives me a quizzical look but nods. The others stare at me with naked curiosity as we wait for her to return.

I pour the water over my head.

They're looks are all priceless. "I'm Ranma Saotome… and I AM a guy."

"How is this possible?" Soun asks.

I begin to explain. "It was during a training trip to the cursed springs of Jusenkyo. Pop and I fell into the cursed springs. Now when we get splashed with cold water we transform. I turn into a girl and he turns into a panda. Hot water turns us back."

Akane pointed to Ryouga. "And the cute little piggy? Is he your pet or is he cursed too?"

I hold up the pig in question. "This is Ryouga, an old school chum of mine. He followed us there and wound up getting cursed too."

"This gets more interesting by the minute." Nabiki comments dryly.

"Is this all true?" Soun is addressing the Panda.

Panda man nods.

"Perhaps you and Ryouga should go use the bath." I hand Genma the pack. "You guys can change while you're there."

I demonstrate the curse a couple more times while the other two are upstairs.

Soun brightens up noticeably. "Well, your problem isn't so bad after all." He gestures to his daughters. "These are my three daughters. Kasumi aged nineteen. Nabiki aged seventeen and my youngest daughter Akane. She's sixteen. Choose any one of them to be your fiancée."

Kasumi immediately pushes Akane forward. "Akane would seem to be the logical choice."

"I couldn't agree more." Nabiki is helping Kasumi present Akane to me.

I tsk at the middle Tendo daughter. "Really Nabiki, I thought we had something special going on. Use me and lose me, is that it?"

She blinks at me again. I still have her off balance. Good.

"What do you guys mean me?" Akane is protesting. "I don't want to marry him!"

"You don't like boys right Akane?" Kasumi says gently. "Well you're in luck, because Ranma is half girl."

"Then it's settled." Soun puts an arm around both Akane and I. "You'll marry Akane."

"Not hardly." I say harshly. "You said I could have my choice, and I haven't chosen anyone."

Soun blinks at me. "Well that's true but Akane does seem to be the logical candidate…"

No doubt he has doubts she'll find a husband any other way. That's not my problem. "Look, I just met all three of them. Its way too soon to be deciding which one I'll marry. Or even if I'll marry any of them."

"Stop this foolish talk boy!" Genma has finally come down from the bath and Ryouga is right behind him. "You'll marry Akane and that is final."

I glare back at him defiantly. "We'll see about that panda man."

"How dare you address your father in such a tone?" He draws himself up to his maximum height.

"How dare you call yourself my father? All I am to you is a meal ticket. Well that ends now old man. From now on I make my own decisions—and THAT is final."

He doesn't agree and we take our philosophical difference of opinion outside. The argument only ends when we both wind up in the pool. I storm out and say to the stunned Tendo family, "If you don't mind, I would like a bath now."

Soun nods dumbly and points upstairs. "Kasumi, could you show our guest the way?"

It didn't go as well as I'd hoped, but it could have gone a lot worse.

A splash of cold water wakes me in the morning. Ryouga is standing over me with a bucket. "Rise and shine sweat heart."

Without hesitation I lunge at him and our morning training session is joined.

Genma joins in shortly after we tumble over him.

Of course we all know it's rude to fight in the house, so we jump out the window to take it outside. The three-way fight doesn't end until the three of us wind up in the koi pond. By that time Kasumi is calling us all to breakfast. The three of us share a quick hot bath and rush for breakfast, pushing each other out of the way as we go.

Between stuffing his face and trying to steal my food pop makes an announcement. "You'll be going to school today Ranma."

"Great." I respond. "Can't wait." I glance over at Ryouga. "Want to come too?"

"Why?" He snarls. "So you can steal my lunches?"

"How about so you can get a decent education followed by a good paying job and finally a good wife?" I'm matter of a fact about it.

"You just want to torment me some more." He's starting to sulk.

I change tactics. "Will I be going to the same school as Akane and Nabiki?"

That causes Ryouga to steal a sideways glance at Akane. A small blush crosses his nose and I suspect he may be reconsidering.

"That's right." Nabiki agrees. "You can walk there with Akane."

Akane begins to object, but I cut her off. "Any particular reason the four of us can't go together? I should be getting to know you both after all."

"I never agreed to go!" Breaks in Ryouga.

I shrug. "You don't have to go to school with me. Or Nabiki and Akane either."

Again he steals a sideways glance at Akane. "Well, maybe it won't be so bad."

Nabiki is narrowing her eyes at me.

I grin at her. "Shall we be off?"

So the four of us are off. The girls seem miserable, Ryouga is shy and bashful, and I'm happy as can be.

Spotting the chain link fence, I can't resist. I'm walking along it as easily as the other three walk along the sidewalk.

Suddenly Akane bursts out with, "We're not getting married you know."

"Quit it, you're breaking Ryouga's heart." I reply.

"I was talking about you!" She yells at me.

"So you will marry him?" I ask innocently.

"Ranma! Stop teasing her!" Ryouga is flush with embarrassment.

Nabiki is trying to conceal a giggle.

Shrugging, I keep walking. "Whatever."

We draw nearer to the school and suddenly Akane starts running. Ryouga stares at her retreating form like a kicked puppy.

"There she goes, for her morning workout." Nabiki shakes her head. "We best avoid this, or we could be late for class."

"Avoid what?" Ryouga is confused.

Nabiki points. "Just watch and see."

Being disgorged from the school gates is a deluge of boys, all ready for battle.

Akane tears into them like a wolverine into breakfast.

"Those boys are trying to beat her up!" Ryouga is ready to spring to her defense.

"Those boys are having their asses handed to them." I point out.

"You boys are going to be late if you don't move it." Nabiki points out.

"I can't stand by and allow this to happen!" Ryouga is getting righteously indignant.

I begin to see an opportunity. "You go on ahead Nabiki. I'll be along presently."

The middle Tendo rolls her eyes and then rushes around the morning brawl.

Hopping to the top of the stonewall provides me with a better vantage to observe the fight. I'll say this much for Akane. She's good.

Ryouga is about to charge in to rescue her, but it's over before he can.

"Every morning." Akane pants. "Honestly!"

"Truly, such a boorish lot." Tatewaki Kuno walks onto the scene. He's smelling a red rose. "Evidently each one of them wanted to ask you out Akane, on the dawn that he finally defeats you."

Akane is staring at him through half lidded eyes. "Upperclassmen, good morning." She doesn't sound happy to see him.

Kuno tosses the rose at her with a grace that would make Tuxedo Mask proud. "And now Akane Tendo, will you fight with _me_?"

Ryouga rushes to her side. "Who is this guy Akane? Is he bothering you?"

Kuno points his bokuto at the lost boy. "You there! You are being quite familiar with Akane Tendo!"

"Huh?" Ryouga's reply is as elegant as the boy himself.

But it provides me with the perfect opportunity. Leaping down, I land beside Ryouga. "Don't be modest Ryouga. Why just this morning we were discussing the possibility of you marrying Akane!"

Kuno looks like he's about to burst a blood vessel. "WHAT! Married to Akane Tendo? Tell me boor, what is your name before I lay you out!"

Ryouga opens his mouth, but is cut off before any sound comes out.

"WAIT! Is it not the custom to give one's own name first? Fine then! Mine I shall give. My name is upperclassman Kuno, junior group e. Captain of the Kendo club. Undefeated new star of the high school fencing world. But my peers call me… The Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!" There is a dramatic crack of thunder along with his words.

Which reminds me, it's about to rain. "Have fun Ryouga!" I pat him on the back as I rush into the school.

By the time I've made it to my classroom window, Ryouga has introduced himself and is squaring off with Kuno. Kuno has his bokuto and Ryouga has that bamboo umbrella he picked up when we got back to Japan on our way to the Tendo home.

Their weapons become a blur as they spar. They seem evenly matched for speed and fencing skill. Even I'm having trouble figuring out who will win.

The fight is brought to an end as the first trickles of rain begin to fall. Knowing he hasn't much time, Ryouga opens his umbrella and leaps up into the air. He plants his foot in Kuno's face using a move he's learned from pop and I. Kuno's counter attack just barely misses Ryouga. But miss it does and Kuno goes down while Ryouga runs past him and into the school, Akane trailing behind. Both make it into class just barely in time.

I'm quite proud of myself. There should be no reason for Kuno to bother me now, plus I may have pushed Ryouga and Akane a little bit closer. Surely I am a genius without…

Tatewaki Kuno bursts into our classroom, brandishing a Bokuto. "Where is he? Where is the one known as Ranma Saotome!"

A long-suffering sigh escapes my lips. "I'm Ranma Saotome."

"I forbid it! Never will I accept your engagement to the fair Akane Tendo." Anger pulses through his veins. Especially the one standing up on his forehead.

The rest of the class is going nuts, asking Akane if it's true that we're engaged.

There is only one thing I can think of to say. "Okay."

"Have at thee villain!" His Bokuto rises high in the air and he charges my desk. Just as he gets to me my response penetrates he brain and he stares down at me. "What did you say?"

"I said okay." Shrugging I go on. "Akane has made it quite clear that she doesn't want to marry me and I intend to respect her wishes." A devilish grin spreads across my face. "Besides, I don't intend to stand in my good friend Ryouga's way."

Memory forces itself on Kuno's consciousness. His eyes flick to where Ryouga is sitting beside Akane. "You! You are the one that was being familiar with Akane this morning!"

Ryouga immediately stands. "This is no place for a fight Kuno!" Then he leaps out the window.

I'm pretty sure that was my line.

"I follow!" Kuno immediately leaps out after him.

Then it occurs to me. Ryouga just wandered off by himself! Hastily I follow the other two for fear of Ryouga getting lost.

As I plummet from the third story window I happen to notice that the three of us are headed right for the pool. For some reason I was certain it was on the other side of the school. There's nothing for it but to complete my dive with as much grace as I am able.

Once I'm in the water, I start swimming desperately for the far side. Before I get there however, Kuno is on me. He must have mistaken me for Ryouga for some reason, even though we look and dress nothing alike. The Kendoist grabs onto me, painfully squeezing my boobs in the process.

My body reacts and I allow it. Soon Kuno's head is being smashed on the side of the pool while I flip over him.

Wasting no time I gather up Ryouga and dash off to the edge of school property where there are some trees. Taking cover behind one I pull off my pants and begin to wring them out. "Damn it Ryouga, sometimes you're more trouble then you're worth."

He bwee's angrily at me and then attacks. The little runt has surprisingly sharp teeth.

"You fool." Akane has found us.

Finally I knock Ryouga to the ground and hold him there with one foot. "If Ryouga wanders off by himself, he'll get lost. He has no sense of direction at all."

"So you jump into a pool of your own free will?" I'm having a real hard time understanding why she seems so upset.

My patience has its limits. "I assume you're going to get to something resembling a point or at least a reason why you're out here?"

She pulls out a kettle from behind her back. "I was going to give you this, but if you don't want it…"

"Of course I want it…" I pause and then add. "Thank you Akane, that's very thoughtful of you. Ryouga and I appreciate it."

She blinks at me but whatever she was about to do or say is interrupted by the sounds of sloshing. A very wet Kuno is approaching. "Here catch, use this while I buy you some time!"

Being on the ground, I catch the kettle easily. I don't use it right away however. Instead I watch the fight between Akane and Kuno.

It doesn't take Akane long to send Kuno flying over our heads. She rushes over to us and rolls her eyes at me. "Why haven't you transformed yet?"

"Because I have a plan." Then I turn to face Kuno. "Hey Kuno! You awake?"

The Kendoist assumes an upright sitting position. "Yes pigtailed kettle girl, I am unharmed although I thank you for your concern."

He's already starting down the road of delusion regarding me. Better set up the road blocks right away. "Watch carefully Kuno, there's something you need to see." Then I pour the hot water over Ryouga's head.

The lost boy scrambles to hide his modesty while Akane blushes and turns around.

"What manner of sorcery is this? Where has that piglet gone and how did that sexual deviant arrive here without my notice?" Kuno is rising to his feat, his eyes shifting back and forth between Ryouga and I.

"You're right Kuno, it IS vile sorcery. Both Ryouga here and I are cursed. Cold water turns him into a pig and hot water turns him into a guy." I watch as connections are slowly made in his mind.

"But how art thou cursed pig tailed kettle girl?" He eyes me critically.

"It is simple sir. When splashed with cold water I become a girl. When splashed with hot water, I become a guy." To drive the point home I pour the last of the hot water over my head.

He watches the transformation with wide eyes. "Tis true! Thou art cursed with sorcery most vile!" A tear appears on his cheek and he clenches a fist before him. "Fear not! Your tale of woe has touched this warrior's heart. I shall keep this dread secret as though my life depended on it."

I smile and nod. My plan has worked out perfectly.

Thus I'm somewhat taken aback when he charges me and wraps his arms around me tightly. Tears fill his eyes and overflow as he makes his proclamation. "Fear not pig-tailed kettle girl! I shall not forsake thee as others have! Though others would forsake thee, I shall date with thee!"

My eyes bug out of my head. This was not part of my plan! Before I can decide what to do, my body is already reacting. Kuno is propelled through the air towards the school building.

Trying to catch my breath, I notice that Akane and Ryouga are both looking at me and trying to stifle giggles.

"Laugh it up you two. Laugh it up." I can't believe that I'm going to have to worry about Kuno glomping me as a guy too now.


End file.
